I struggle with perfectionism. It causes me a lot of angst. I have this idea that to be happy i need to be perfect, things around me need to be perfect, my life needs to be perfect. But life isn't perfect, I am not perfect. Nothing is. I know this cognitively but this kind of thinking is not second nature to me - I tend to forget it at times and get drawn back into perfectionism.
I have lot of defects, and that is ok. There is no point to life, it just is. There isn't even good and bad when it comes to life. I know it might sound controversial. But the result of any event in your life, the effects of it are happening over time for the rest of your life. So how can I judge something as good or bad if the results are not out yet? this is like the famous Toaist story.
But we do that all the time. We judge events in our life as positive or negative. And if we perceive them as negative it causes us angst and suffering. If we judge them as positive it brings out joy and happiness. But actually it is not good or bad, it just is. Life is not good or bad, it just is. That doesn't mean there is no joy or happiness in life. It is these emotions that make life worth living.
I have experienced this in my own life numerous times. Events that I judged as negative in the immediate aftermath and caused me considerable pain were some of the best things that could have happened to me since they led me in a different, much better direction. I am glad they happened.
So what we do with this information? How do we change our life today? I think the keyword is "acceptance". We need to accept all that we are, all that has happened to us, and all that is going to happen today. We don't need to fight any of it. We don't need to try and control things that are beyond our control. That is a recipe for frustration and pain. I accept my imperfections and accept the imperfections in my life. "If only" thinking is a trap. It is a delusion. "If only I was so and so, I would be better" is not true. The answer is we don't know. We can never know since the result of any "if only" is spread out throughout your life. So you can't know if it is good or bad. So just accept all that is for what it is.
I have lot of defects, and that is ok. There is no point to life, it just is. There isn't even good and bad when it comes to life. I know it might sound controversial. But the result of any event in your life, the effects of it are happening over time for the rest of your life. So how can I judge something as good or bad if the results are not out yet? this is like the famous Toaist story.
But we do that all the time. We judge events in our life as positive or negative. And if we perceive them as negative it causes us angst and suffering. If we judge them as positive it brings out joy and happiness. But actually it is not good or bad, it just is. Life is not good or bad, it just is. That doesn't mean there is no joy or happiness in life. It is these emotions that make life worth living.
I have experienced this in my own life numerous times. Events that I judged as negative in the immediate aftermath and caused me considerable pain were some of the best things that could have happened to me since they led me in a different, much better direction. I am glad they happened.
So what we do with this information? How do we change our life today? I think the keyword is "acceptance". We need to accept all that we are, all that has happened to us, and all that is going to happen today. We don't need to fight any of it. We don't need to try and control things that are beyond our control. That is a recipe for frustration and pain. I accept my imperfections and accept the imperfections in my life. "If only" thinking is a trap. It is a delusion. "If only I was so and so, I would be better" is not true. The answer is we don't know. We can never know since the result of any "if only" is spread out throughout your life. So you can't know if it is good or bad. So just accept all that is for what it is.
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