Finding order in randomness. Finding randomness in order.

Free Will is the idea that we are in conscious control of our actions. That there is something called "I" that decides. Sam Harris argues eloquently that there is no such thing as "I". This is not a new idea. This has been explored in India millennia ago. According to this idea, there is no "thinker of thoughts" that sits in the head. There are just thoughts. And there is consciousness - the pure experience of just being. There is no coherent, continuos being that is consistently there from moment to moment. That idea of "I" is actually an illusion. An elaborate and extremely convincing one. The idea of self that we all have is just a construct of our minds. It is not real. It is more like a summary movie that the mind plays in creating the illusion of continuity and coherence. I think memory plays a big role in creating this sense of self. Think of it this way - there are multiple processes running in the brain and they all share the same memo...

If life were a cupcake, I would kill myself since I don't do sugar and carbs. It's funny but not funny. Because this is exactly what we do to life. Life is indeed a cupcake, but we have all these rules and pre-conceived notions that prevent us from enjoying it. The essence of a cupcake is sugar and carbs, you can't change that. So why not accept it and enjoy it. After all you get only one cupcake. Sure, it feels guilty but it also tastes so damn good. And that is ok. There is no "catch" to a good life. I think this is what they mean when they say live life to the fullest. Easier said than done. As for me, I still don't do sugar and carbs. I am doomed I guess.

My yoga teacher, who knows a lot about me and my story, recently asked me "what do you like about yourself, what is your true essence?". I gave the usual answer that I have been giving myself for most of my life - that I am kind, generous, helpful etc. etc. That was not the answer he was looking for. He said those things are in relation to other people i.e. these traits are what I think other people perceive me as. But what is really MY true essence and what do I like about MYSELF. He gave me a week to think about it. That did get me thinking. I talked to some friends about it over the week. I realised how much of my self-perception is dictated by other people. And it has been like that all my life. What I think of myself is really what I think others think of me. Or what I want others to think of me. But if I take other people out of the equation, what am I? What is my true essence? The more I thought, the more I realised that my true essence is creativity. Looking back...

Sitting on the beach, with a drink in my hand the sound of the sea, the waves hitting the sand All my senses engaged, but my mind is adrift I want to be here, but the thoughts are swift Thoughts are the waves, I am the sea waves are not the sea, my thoughts are not me

The human brain is very complex, and some consider it perhaps the most complicated structure in the universe. I can understand why. It is an amazing piece of equipment. Barely a couple of kgs and capable of so much. However, it is not perfect. There is this idea that prevails even amongst smart and educated people that because something evolved to be a particular way it must be the best possible design. That is flawed thinking. Evolution does not work that way. Evolution is trial and error. Just because we evolved to walk upright doesn't mean that walking upright is the best thing. Just because our brain evolved to be the way it is now, doesn't mean that it is the best possible design for a brain. Evolution is always correcting. Billions of species of lifeforms have become extinct. They evolved in a certain direction and that didn't work out and they went bust. This flawed idea of evolution is very prevalent in the health sphere and the conclusions they draw are sometimes ...

I struggle with perfectionism. It causes me a lot of angst. I have this idea that to be happy i need to be perfect, things around me need to be perfect, my life needs to be perfect. But life isn't perfect, I am not perfect. Nothing is. I know this cognitively but this kind of thinking is not second nature to me - I tend to forget it at times and get drawn back into perfectionism. I have lot of defects, and that is ok. There is no point to life, it just is. There isn't even good and bad when it comes to life. I know it might sound controversial. But the result of any event in your life, the effects of it are happening over time for the rest of your life. So how can I judge something as good or bad if the results are not out yet? this is like the famous Toaist story . But we do that all the time. We judge events in our life as positive or negative. And if we perceive them as negative it causes us angst and suffering. If we judge them as positive it brings out joy and happine...

People tend to forget that the entire external world as well as the internal world is a construction of our minds. not to say that the external world does not exist or it is not the same as what we perceive it to be (that is another debate altogether). but whatever it is, there is no denying the fact that it is perceived, felt and experienced by our senses and our mind. So when it comes to changing things there are 2 ways to do it - you go about changing the external world or whatever it is that bothers you, or you change the way your mind perceives and processes it. The net effect is the same. So if you are unhappy about a particular external situation - you can either change the external situation or you can change your perception of it. All our education, thinking is trained towards how to change the external situation and almost nothing is taught about how to change the perception of it. But isn't it much easier to change our perception?